You may have heard by now, that Belmont, California has voted to ban smoking within the city limits, except within the confines of one’s single-family detached home when no one under the age of 18 is present.
Even though I have to admit to having been rather nasty about my anti-smoking feelings in the past, I do have to admit that this seems over-the-top. It’s one thing to ban smoking from public places, but to deny folks the ability to smoke on your property or within the confines of your car, or to deny property owners the authority to make available smokers’ lounges with independent ventilation (e.g. the smoking lounges at Atlanta Hartsfield airport) seems rather draconian.
So, it should be no surprise that I found this letter to the editor in the San Mateo Daily Journal right up my alley:
Editor,
To the members of the Belmont Polit Bureau: Enact a total ban on smoking within the city limits? An excellent idea. Why didnt your city council think of that before? While youre at it I have several more suggestions:
A. Ban the wearing of biker boots, T-shirts and Levis. Reason: They represent a seemlier element of society.
B. Ban off-road vehicles and motorcycles. Reason: They also attract people with lower class tastes.
C. Ban all fast food establishments. Reason: They promote unhealthy lifestyles and obesity.
D. Ban mascara and makeup. Reason: These chemicals invariably promote skin diseases.
E. Ban milk. Reason: Milking takes advantage of the oppressed cows.
F. Ban the wearing of camouflage patterns. Reason: The patterns represent militarism and defiance, unacceptable conduct.
G. Ban the consumption of meat. Reason: Unacceptable dominance of humans over animals.
H. Ban shaving of the legs. Reason: This practice promotes dermatitis and sexist thoughts.
I. Ban private ownership of guns. Reason: Duh. You dont need a gun to kill someone, just use a kitchen knife.
J. Ban kitchen knives. Reason: Duh. You dont need a kitchen knife to kill someone, just use a baseball bat.
K. Ban baseball. Reason: Baseball has bats.
L. Ban alcoholic beverage consumption. Reason: It loosens the tongue and might cause one of you idiots to reveal your true motive: self-righteous dominance of the masses.
Dietrich von Schmausen
Montrose
3 responses so far ↓
1 Breana // 30 Nov 2006 at 2:12 am
I absolutely loved this article, Mr. Von Schmausen has called it right on point, he calls them out and I really hope that this will be overturned as it seems a complete violation of our Civil Rights.
2 Dietrich von Schmausen // 3 Dec 2006 at 6:24 pm
Dear Mike and Breana,
Thank you for “re-printing” my LTE. Your supportive words and understanding are very much appreciated. I don’t smoke (anymore)but I believe in freedom. As a people we need to look out for each other’s welfare but with reason and consideration. Often times those who put forth such draconian edicts cry “bi-partisanship! bi-partisanship!” when what they really mean is “Our way or the highway”. Thanks again.
Dietrich von Schmausen
3 ed // 10 Dec 2006 at 10:57 am
The World Health Organization et al have dictated that tobacco is to be outlawed worldwide.
They’re not doing it so your clothes don’t smell like smoke or so there’s no butts on the ground
or so your sinuses don’t get inflamed or so you won’t have anything to bitch about.
They’re doing it so they can replace tobacco –The best antidepressant known to man–with prescription drugs at ten
prices. The medical establishment is not rich enough.